I have to go. Now.

Have you ever woke up and realized you can’t just keep keeping on because ‘the pay is good?’ Thank you Covid for an abrupt wake up. Before Covid planes were my happy place, my nervous system was at total ease the moment I passed Airport security *alone.* I bought a book, usually a booster juice and a Starbucks threw on music and then… decompress, I’m sure I’m not alone on this one.

What I didn’t realize was that I was simply hustling to get myself to the next airplane ride when I was home. Work hard play hard, right? Unfortunately the Fort McMurray slogan doesn’t trick me any longer. I woke up one day while at my parents mountain oasis during Covid 1.0 to realize I was a TCM Practitioner preaching balance who had NO balance or boundary in her life… hmmmmmph. If I was my client I would see right through this and why inner Leo truth seeker/preacher knew It was time to fess up.

I scream for change, and then when it comes down to actioning on change I dig my heels in the ground … and then plant roots! Fortunately I’m a pretty bold and successful manifesting Queen as well. January 29, 2020 I sat on Playa del Coco Beach and spoke some potent words that I would leave my job in a year. I also said I wanted to move to California and within 2 weeks I had my dream mentor at the time offering me a job in San Diego like … yesterday… and a real one not a hollow kind of throw a dog a bone type offer. But thats a different blog post. Manifesting is a serious game that I am really good at, when I can detach from outcome. That being said I’m NOT your girl for manifesting your soulmate, I’m 10+ years in the making on that one… but love is like a fine wine right?

I digress… with covid I dove deep into the spiritual realm, sought gurus, outgrew gurus, found new ones and then tossed the gurus off the shelf and started to actually see and believe in myself. I would always stay at my job until California came to me, because in California I would be happier, right?

When you hone in and ignite your intuition it gets really … annoying! There will be moments of such clarity that you want to find every reason to delete. I’ve been unhappy at my job for… years when I look back. I had the best job and closest to being self employed without the hassles of self employment… don't get me wrong. It was great, they were great, I had some inside shit to do. A lot.

When I came back to work after Covid 1.0 in May, I was alone in clinic most of the time, treating one client at a time instead of two. It was great, I realized what an introvert I am. I could meditate before and in-between clients, huge healing and transformation was happening on the table. I started to realize after the flood and shut down people were craving healing more than ever. But … so did I. It was the best version of me I’d ever been, and the most sure of myself but I couldn’t work the same way I did. Ever. Again. But slowly over time I morphed back into the old model but noticed exhaustion, resentment that I wasn’t getting the care my clients were and lacking my sparkle and shine.

I carved out some time for self healing in my schedule and was afraid my schedule wouldn’t fill if I didn't work 6 days a week and a bunch of evenings but I became busier than I’d ever been, and was slowly feeling more grounded and potent than ever. The problem with growth is, it never stops. Over time, we reach the top of the level we’re in and crave change and growth… and by we I mean…. I think we? Those around me anyway…

I kept trying to play Tetris at work, take one less client, change price and appointment structure, waiting for that feeling of alignment…. For the spark to return to me. It didn't… I was craving more change but too exhausted to pursue it. Maybe I’ll create my own course and on and on the thoughts went but there was no energy to propel them with forward momentum. My close friends and clients have been telling me for years to fly… but it wasn’t until I found deep soul work with a mentor of mine that it clicked. If I wanted my clients to dig to the centre of their being and find the deepest truth of their soul and then follow that unapologetically, that was where I had to go.

When I got there, it was super freeing… and obvious that there was no hiding.

I walked into work one day in November and felt like I was hit by 100lb on my chest. Shit. From that day on… I knew I couldn’t deny it. It was time to go. I asked and prayed to hold off for a few months or even a year…. The intensity grew. Thats the way alignment is. When you know, you know. I didn't want to hurt or disappoint or burden anyone… I didn't want to step into unknown, the vulnerable place where I was out in the open to all that is.

The moment I said the words out loud, I felt light. I waited for the regret or back peddling, but the truth is the more work we do on ourselves and more aligned we become by the time we know, its actually easy and supported. Alignment can be uncomfortable, I’ve learned that as long as I go to bed knowing I’m not selling short on me or disappointing me, that is it. That’s all that matters. Thanks to Glennon I know that there is no such thing as half liberation … what liberates me will liberate all involved. And so… I walk toward all that I’ve called on and that propels me toward my bigger purpose. Change on a new level, never being downgraded from here as long as I align, and centre to the deepest part of me.