Open to Change
Disclaimer: Don’t tattoo something on you if you don’t want to be challenged on it. ‘Open to change’ is what pinterest and some googling on viking symbols led me to believe this symbolized.
The last year has felt like a perpetual revolving door of proving my desire for change and opening to the flow ... surrendering to a higher power. Level up. Repeat. I've surrendered into knowing this process is taking me everywhere I want to and need to be.
It’s been easy in one way — I’ve found the ease in listening to my soul and removing blocks and people and whatever I need in order to grow. I’ve listened and I’ve been taken care of, protected and given so much love and abundance and nudges toward this whole platter of all of my hopes and dreams that I feel unfolding.
It’s also been hard as shit. When you get really close to manifesting something you've been working on forever it starts to feel less like a dreamy fairytale and more of holy sh*t, I feel it, it's here and I am not as prepared as I thought! It's a sign that you're getting close and will likely be called on to clean out the last remnants of self doubts, lack of clarity and worth issues remaining.
It's me, I'm currently there. I’ve followed my heart into more vulnerability and growth and shedding and reshedding. I've also hurt others unconsciously and consciously and been a total asshat at times and had others be total asshats and hurt me conscious and unconsciously at times. Having to own it & sit w, and learn to heal it all... liberating and tough!
I’ve let so many relationships go, and welcomed so many new ones in. I’ve dug to the core of my soul and gotten real with myself and owned the parts of me not in congruence with my higher self and dreams and looked at everyone around me as a mirror to a part of myself I have yet to heal. I lost my biggest soul buddy in November and through that I uncovered a spiritual connection that I’ve been hiding away my whole life. I took a scenic route into subconscious healing and found love for that inner child and then started sharing this magic and healing with others. I left my job and work family that I thought I needed to be successful or have any self worth. That stirred up some stuff and held up some mirrors too. I was so supported and had so much ease stepping into the next chapter once I was finally open to change, not just the idea of change.
I put this tattoo on my finger because on my way to the shop that morning I had a stitch in my Liver area then saw this image in my mind over and over. I found it on my Pinterest and when I said I’d get it the pain went away. That’s how I live my life… but I've always tried to hide or justify that with 8 concrete reasons why it wasn't a woo woo way to live.
I want to write posts every day about evidence based acupuncture and medicine and educate you all on it but the truth is, most of the time it’s not who I am anymore and when I pull out my books to do it it takes me back to all the time’s in my life I’ve spent doing research and the misaligned time in engineering trying to prove something to myself and others by putting myself in a box. All my life I’ve wants to say f*** the box, but yet I keep stuffing myself into it. Science catches up, science does research on what the funding is there for and science also changes. If We would’ve waited for science & Harvard to prove our acupuncture & medicine we’d be lagging a *bit*. I support and acknowledge the importance of this role and love seeing others follow *their* passion and sharing scientific data but it’s time to just be honest — my passion has never been in waiting for someone to give me permission or the data in a nice neat pile to move forward.
My heart is in acupuncture for sure — but — I’m here to help people in a different way — I know this shit works but I also know all the woo I’m into works too, I stepped away from trying to convince others what I'm doing is real or works long ago. Oh well.
My passion is providing deeper healing for more people than I can just accomplish in clinic. I’m burnt out from trying to stay in that paradigm and box. My ideal client is well versed in googling shit and is already highlighting books and self researching topics they are interested in — because that’s what I was doing before I jumped the hoops and earned my academia rights that taught me how little I knew and how much I would spend on continuing Ed and the school o’ life. My people know what they want and don’t want in life and my Leo fire is just the catalyst and clarity to the formula they’ve already been creating.
It reminds me how I’ve actually been hiding away laying low and keeping my opinion, knowledge and intuition hush for fear of being seen. I only post authentically but also -- my inner child has been scared as shit to rock any boats but she’s actually screaming inside to let her fire be seen.
Here’s the thing : You can’t change the world and live in contraction/fear. You can’t manifest abundance and live in contraction and fear.
You can’t own your dream job and life and remain among the remnants of your fears. And the life I’m here to live requires a lot of all of the above ... not because I need to be rich and famous, but because I am here to make an impact, and it’s really hard to make large scale impact with no self worth or budget to work with!
I will always challenge myself and all around me to act from a place of authenticity and love ALWAYS but from now on, I’m going to bring a little gasoline to this fire. Some will want to stomp the fire out, some will want to run, some will stare and some will embrace the warmth.
I’m not for everyone. I’ve always known that, but my back is sore as shit from bending over backward in fear of who I might displease or the family that might read and think I’ve fallen to the dark side. I haven’t, I don’t. I am just here to get closer to unconditional love and to spread that. It’s universal and goes beyond all segregation and beliefs.
I’m lit up about what’s about to unravel and all the ways I get to help others change and step into their own unique roles in this big ol 🌍.