Today I lost the most special boy. This feeling is familiar. Grief, deep heart gutting grief. The thing about grief is that it triggers and resurfaces all past grief and events surrounding. I’ve been here before, yet it feels so different. I’m broken, my heart hurts and yet I’ve never felt so sure and so much love and certainty.
My first dog, Dexter was my heart and soul tornado of a dog that I can never do justice in words. He is the reason I found TCM, having seizures at 2 years old and Chinese herbs I’m certain saved his life as his cluster seizures stopped for 6 months. Eventually I started getting Acupuncture treatment myself and the rest is history… but I lost him at 5 years old in 2013 and he was the catalyst to me leaving for school and doing the hard thing I was scared and felt incapable of succeeding at.
Tucker was his bro, he was the old wise sage. He came into my life and kind of stuck…. He wasn’t mine, but he was mine (Solely my bias perspective.) We had a soul connection that was so different than Dexters… I loved Dexter deeper than anything but you know how it is… we love them all so deeply in such different ways.
I swear he’d telepathically connect with me, I saw him at my bed the day he got sick and he wasn’t at my bed, and I didn’t listen to my gut because I was all caught up in my own work and shit… he was getting old and having accidents and it was getting hard in a condo…. I have regrets, yes.
I was the luckiest human to spend his last day with him. I am here to tell you without butchering the beauty of what I felt from his soul that day… the soul is it. The closer the soul gets to leaving this Earth the clearer it becomes and it slowly starts to unplug and prepare, it knows the other side. I’ve seen it, the soul is eternal … or at least a part of it. I was on a bit of a Leo high of how beautiful this dog was and chose to leave in the most stoic and loving way, only worrying about his people…. I was so excited that I was so ‘woke’ that I wasn’t even losing this dog because our souls would always carry that connection.
Then…. My heart broke. Slowly over the next day….. our soul connection became so distant. I was broken and kind of confused. Then, I remembered how Chinese medicine relates different parts of the soul to different organs and how we have a Hun(Connection to the Liver) — ethereal part of soul that is lighter and connects to higher consciousness and more subtle realms. Then the Po aspect of the Soul which is the Corporeal soul (connection to the Lungs) and returns to the Earth when we take our last breath, I’d argue a bit sooner or later depending on how ready our soul is to go.
He’s always there to connect and I know he’s always with me… but enjoy the ones you love because this all does end, onward and upward sure, but Tucker you are my wise sage.
Thank you for the catalyst…. It was a few weeks later I knew I was putting in my notice. The Ravens flying tandem beside me or landing on my vehicle staring bring comfort and remind me of the beauty of life… and also the speed of it all. Cuddling a raven just doesnt bring the same love ;)